We were awe inspired by the spectacle of the Beijing Olympics but it seems likely that GB 2012 will be a very different affair. As the American stock market is in ‘negative momentum’ and the British economy is in meltdown, £9.2 bn has been set as the maximum budget. Now the marketing men are thinking of as many ways as possible to positively express ‘broke’. Let’s try ‘Cosy’, ‘intimate’, ‘different’, and of course, ‘funnier’. Bozzer calls it ‘intimate’ and humorous. Whilst Seb states “The 2012 event’s mission statements will be about Creativity and the British Capital’s cultural scene, …”sure it is about sport (smarmy voice). But we will take the chance to showcase the creative capital that London is”…and let’s have a bit of fun with this” Well you’re making me chuckle anyway Seb. When I saw Becks kick a football from a grassy knoll that had morphed into a bus, onto some unsuspecting Chinaman, it set the scene. As Bozzer then turned up looking like he’d forgotten about it and had to be dragged away from the Bar it all started to make sense. My only query is where were the hoodies that normally terrorise people on London busses and should’nt there have been two buses both on their way to the depot? . The so called ‘Green’ Olympics has managed to destroy all the allotments located in the East End of London by the goodwill of Victorian philanthropists. The only thing Green about the Olympics is possibly the pigment they are putting in the cement. So why not liven things up with Ken Dodd and his tickling stick, in the Olympic colours. That should make em run a bit faster. He is, after all, from the capital of culture.
My understand was that Liverpool was a place full of ‘scousegits’ who were notoriously friendly, humorous and lively. “Who’s the woman in the white shell suit at a Liverpudlian wedding? The bride.” They placed great importance culturally on family and faith. Now they’ve become a centre for culture they may have lost some of the culture which held them together. The killing of Rhys Jones stunned the city but the fact that it happened should have been no surprise to locals given the gang culture that has developed in parts of the city a Mr Flewitt said: “Rhys Jones died because of Sean Mercer’s hatred for members of the Strand Gang.“Sean Mercer’s hatred was so intense, he was willing to take the risk of firing shots in full view of the many customers who had gone there for a quiet drink or to watch the England versus Germany football match which was taking place that night.”
Liverpool was reported to be having a year long party as party of their Capital of Culture celebrations, and whilst the party continued, the council were reported to be £29 m in debt and those most vulnerable, the old people, were having their care homes pulled down. The old and infirm in Liverpool found it hard to get excited about the big party. Still they could get ready for the 2012 Olympics, and start training with the free swimming the government is promoting for the over 60s. Even though I suppose they may not still be around. At least this would allow them to escape from the old peoples homes, which according to experts have ‘serious problems’, due to the fact that the inspectors are told not to flag up any provision which is poor because of the government targets which the CSCI need to meet. Well then with a bit of luck they will be pulled down. Never mind a right wing think tank have come up with a solution to problems of unemployment; they can all move to London. Hopefully they still have a sense of humour.
Well back to the Olympics, with no security costs even considered within the budget, we are looking for an economical way to open the celebration. The Red Arrows were considered for a fly past, but they were considered too British. So I’m not sure what they want possibly some Kosak dancers, I’m sure Mr. Putin would oblige, although I hear he’s keener on Abba, but that would be appropriate as the Russians run London anyway.
If intimate, funny and cheap are the bywords, let’s go for something more discrete, a little less noisy and full of the real cultural traditions of the English capital. Radio 2 audiences have suggested Chas and Dave singing ‘Rabbit’ or ‘my old Dutch’,?. We could always surround them with a range of pearly Kings and Queens all eating jellied eels. Bozzer Johnson could perhaps do a rendition of Gercha They could perform on the top of an open top route master bus with dambusters playing in the background. We could use Barbara Windsor to serve up the Jellied eels in true Old Vic fashion. Just to put the icing on the cake, we could see if Dick Van Dyke is still available to add some vocal authencity to the whole scene. If not we may have to resort back to Dicky Ticker and the red arrows. Then Clif Richards could be on standby in case it rains. Now that should just about be within budget. Or on the other hand, we could always get the pretty little girl who opened the Chinese games to appear and then dub Chas and Dave onto her, that would be very multicultural. Or perhaps we could just get the whole thing boxed up and sent over from China, like everything else... Gor luvva duck what a scene, gor blimmey.
There is a forgotten, nay almost forbidden word, which means more to me than any other. That word is ENGLAND
Winston Churchill
‘Error creeps in again and again through our tendency to think of culture as group culture exclusively, the culture of the ‘cultured classes and elites. We then proceed to think of the humbler part of society as having culture only in so far as it participates in this superior and more conscious culture.
To treat the ‘uneducated’ mass of the population as we might treat some innocent tribe of savages to whom we are impelled to deliver the true faith, is to encourage them to neglect or despise that culture which they should posses and from which the more conscious part of culture draws vitality’
(TS Eliot notes towards the def. of culture)
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